This is a movie made from a 9 year old’s Half Life 2 fan fiction.

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In the movie The Matrix they have a thing called the Contruct which they use for training and loading things they will need when jacking into the Matrix. When going to rescue Morpheus, Neo asks for, “Guns. Lots of guns.” If you had a program that would let you load in anything why would you go for just guns? Here’s a list of things that they could have loaded but didn’t.

1. A tank that fires napalm filled claymore mines covered in spikes.
2. Exploding bowling balls filled with piranhas.
3. A chain gun that fires tiny Fran Dreschers.
4. A fully automatic rocket launcher that fires flaming chainsaws that explode.
5. An automatic crossbow that shoots bolts with exploding tips filled with AIDS and Bird Flu.
6. “Mini ninjas. Lots of mini ninjas.”
7. A shotgun that fires a cloud of acid filled darts.
8. A catapult that launches Ebola filled livers.
9. A BFG9000.
10. A cannon that fires red hot chunks of chain.

As you can see the list could go on and on. I was hoping something like this would have been used in the sequels but as we all know those ended up being giant piles of flaming dog crap. How could you make a movie as awesome as The Matrix then follow it up with those bombs?

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I saw this on No Reservations last night. Watching Anthony Bourdain get shot was entertaining. Now that he’s dead can I have his job? Hopefully the movie lives up to the game but I doubt that with Uwe Boll directing.

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This is how you perform a trans-orbital lobotomy. You never know when this might come in handy so pay attention.

Step 1

The patient is made unconscious by administering electroshock to the head. Older patients should only take a single shock while younger patients may require numerous ones.

Step 2

After the patient is unconscious you must hurry since they will come out of it within a few minutes. Place a towel over the patients nose and mouth. Then pull the eyelids open as far as you can. Take an ice pick and force it into the eye socket right above the eyeball. Keep pushing till it enters the frontal lobe. 7cm in should be far enough.

Step 3

Now wiggle the ice pick around until the frontal lobe is disconnected from the thalamus. Repeat process on the other eye. Your patient will end up with two very severe black eyes so you may want to supply them with some dark glasses for them to hide the discoloration.

Get more info about lobotomies here.

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“We’d like to thank you all for flying with us today and the next time you decide to go hurtling though the air in a large aluminum tube we hope you choose United Airlines.”

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This is Dialogo by Italian artist Virginio Ferrari. He was born in Italy and lived in Chicago. The sculpture is located on the University of Chicago’s campus and every year on May Day it casts a shadow that resembles the hammer and sickle on the U.S.S.R’s flag. The artist claims that this was totally unintentional but rumors persist that say he was a communist sympathizer.

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